The Simple Secret About Balance

I’m moving.

And let me tell you, getting a house that you’ve lived in for 16 years ready for sale is an absolute Herculean task.

We’ve just become empty-nesters too. It’s an emotional roller coaster filled with pride and hope, melancholy and joy, nostalgia and anticipation. And more moving.

At work, I’m balancing the needs of my clients and groups with three exciting new launches coming this fall. (Stay tuned!)

I’ve got a lot going on, but I don’t know anyone who doesn’t.

It’s no surprise that the term “work-life balance” has been trending for years.

Advice about how to find balance, what balance is, and whether or not it’s possible appears in virtually every print and digital publication targeted at women like us at least once a quarter.

I won’t add to it here today.

I want to talk about what’s behind our longing for balance and that, my friends, is an incredibly simple thing.

Focus.

Busy feels like chaos when we lack focus.

Relationships feel strained and cease to nurture us (and others) when our focus is on a mental to-do list rather than on the person in front of us.

Without focus, we become mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted – so we cry out for balance. We look for some sort of advice or algorithm to apply to our lives that will help us manage our tasks and our time and stay on top of it all.

All the while, it’s the simple ability to focus under pressure that’s required.

Simple???

Actually, yes.

The ability to focus, even in chaos, is something that you can learn. (If I did it, believe me, anyone can.) In fact, focus is a natural result of a mindfulness practice. And that’s where simple feels a bit less easy.

You have to practice.

You wouldn’t expect to curl a 15 pound weight if the most you had managed so far is three pounds, would you? Your daily mindfulness practice produces results in the same way.

And it works.

Friends and family who remember well my days of running around like a chicken-with-its-head-cut-off have been remarking about my “zen” state throughout this current storm.

And I have to admit, it feels pretty good.

This Week:
Learning to Focus in Chaos

1. TRUST In order for this practice to work, you must trust yourself. You’ll need to trust in your ability (you have it, believe me) to choose what serves best in each moment and that everything that needs to happen will happen.
   

2. LET GO The biggest stumbling block to trust is being attached to a particular outcome, a particular way that things must happen. While this attachment may feel like the best way to get things done, (How will we manage to achieve our goals if we don’t push for the outcome?) it actually limits your ability to see opportunity, remain agile, and use your energy efficiently.
   

3. STAY PRESENT Focus is the ability to choose where you place your attention. Everything you need to do is right here, in this moment. Your mind, however, spends most of its time ruminating about what just happened or zooming ahead to what needs to happen next. This is highly inefficient. Does this mean you don’t create plans for what you need to do? Of course not. When you’ve chosen to direct your attention to planning, that is your present moment task.

THE PRACTICE: The more you practice directing your attention to what you choose when things are less hectic, the better you’ll get at doing it when things get crazy.

ONE STONE
This is a technique that I learned from friend and colleague Millie Grenough of Oasis in the Overwhelm – Mil learned it directly from Vietnamese monk and Zen Master, Tich Nhat Hanh.

The beauty of the one stone is that it’s simple. It only takes a moment, and the more often you do it, the greater the benefit – the greater your power for focus becomes.

I recommend at least three times a day to start, and then as often as you think of it or whenever you need a moment’s pause or focus.

Begin with a stone in hand. (If you don’t have a stone, you can hold anything you find pleasant to look at – I have a client who uses her wedding band because it’s always with her.)

Now take a deep, cleansing breath.

For this technique, you will pay attention to the stone in your hand (eyes open) for the time it takes you to take about 10 deep breaths. No need to count your breaths – whatever feels like about 10 will do.

As you’re looking at your stone, let your mind explore it. Focus on it. What does to feel like, look like? What color is it? What do you notice about it? Keep your attention on the stone.

As other thoughts or sensations arise and pull your attention away, (and they will) simply notice them – whatever they are, without judging them or yourself – and make your very next thought about the stone.

That’s it.

You’ve begun a mindfulness practice.