First there were bucket lists, then there were f#*k-it lists, now it seems that everyone I come across has some sort of self-improvement list that if completed AND upheld, will make their lives significantly better.

Or so they think.

Each day, I open my zoom room at 8 am and, on some days, I don’t close it until 7. 

I wish you could meet the incredible people I see on that screen. 

I wish you could see them as I get to, completely unfiltered and 100% themselves. That’s the gift of having my job – seeing the people that live behind their everyday masks.

We work hard together, they and I, until they start to see themselves as they truly are rather than as they fear they are (or are not). 

Little by little, they start to show up in the world without their masks, and that’s when things really start to change for them.

Until then however, they come to our sessions with their self-improvement lists.

L  O  N  G  lists that they believe are the missing link for them.

Most lists include…

• Something about eating better

• An increase in exercise

• Some sort of financial goal or fix

From there, there is always more. Here are a few examples (names are altered, but the lists have not been embellished in any way).

Zoe:

“I HAVE to…

• Lose 8 pounds

• Start lifting weights 3 times a week

• Journal every morning and again before bed

• Meditate every day

• Earn more money

• Get my 7000 steps in

• Finish reading all the books on my nightstand.”

Helen:

“I’m so frustrated with myself. Why can’t I just…

• Get up at 5 every morning

• Write in my journal every day

• Get to Pilates 3x a week

• Get to the gym 2x a week

• Commit to a plant-based diet

• Meditate a second time each day

• Save more money.”

Believe it or not, I could easily fill several pages of lists like these from the women I see – you probably have one of your own.

In truth, there’s nothing wrong with any of the items on those lists (or yours). The problem with self-improvement lists is that they…

1. Rarely produce anything but self-judgement,

2. Are just too much to take on all at once,

3. Neglect to take into consideration how many other things you’re doing for your wellbeing.

4. Often come from what you think you should be doing without ever considering the cost (energetic or otherwise) of doing them, whether you want to do them, or if there are other, easier, more palatable ways you could get the intended result.

Try this:

• Scrap your self-improvement list.

• Write down 10 things you’re already doing that make your life better. (Trust me, you have at least that many.)

• Choose one situation where your masks or filters may be holding you back.

• Ask yourself “how would I show up differently if I were unafraid of…?” and work on that.

Oh. 

And dump all the shoulds. 

I, for one, never journal.