The Naked Truth About Changing Your Life
OPEN YOUR EYES (Part 1 of 3)
Last week, I was asked to host a discussion for a women's networking group based on on one of the talks that I give - The Naked Truth About Changing Your Life.
It's a big topic with this simple premise:
There is no magic bullet answer to be found for creating the life that you want, or for filling in the hollow spots in the life that you have.
The path you take must be unique to you in order for the changes you make to stick. In fact, you're not actually changing as much as you are growing into the next version of you.
The steps to take along that path however, are the same for everyone.
There are three steps in all.
Each will take practice and repetition - use them consistently and I guarantee your life will change.
Each will take experimentation to make them your own - use them intentionally, and you will build the life you want.
THE THREE STEPS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Open your eyes.
Own your sh*t.
Take action.
Over the next three weeks, we'll dive into each one. If you follow along, you'll start to feel a shift in less than a month.
1. OPEN YOUR EYES
Studies have shown that for almost half of your waking life (46.9% of the time) you're not actually paying attention to what's in front of you.
You're engaged in something called mind-wandering. Unlike daydreaming, mind-wandering makes you feel less happy.
Mind-wandering includes rumination about past events, failures, and regrets ranging from things that happened 5 minutes ago to those that are decades old. When you mind-wander, you're also likely to project fear about what may or may not occur in your future.
So, if you are mind-wandering 46.9% of the time, you're missing out on 46.9% of your real life.
Meaning 46.9% of your opportunity to love, connect, act, create, collaborate, experience....all passes you by while you're thinking about the past and future.
When you're engaged in mind-wandering, you are also taking for granted that the rules and expectations (both external and self-imposed) that you're living by are set in stone.
They're not.
There's an autopilot rule book running your life, and because it's flying under your radar, you probably haven't ever considered which of those rules you do or don't agree with.
Your rule book effects:
How you view your relationships.
How you use your time.
What you believe is possible for you.
This week, you'll start to expand your perspective by shifting out of mind-wandering and examining your rule book.
This Week: OPEN YOUR EYES
1. Stay Present
Each time you notice that you're ruminating about the past or catastrophizing the future, pause and tell yourself "the past is gone" or "the future is unwritten" and then get present with what is right in front of you.
If getting present is difficult because the thought really has a hold on you or you're unsure what to "get present" with, find a distraction. (Anything that holds your attention: talking with a friend, watching a movie, listening to music, exercising, etc...)
2. Rewrite Your Rule Book
Your rule book is an invisible book that you carry everywhere you go. It includes what you think is "right," "wrong," "good," and "bad," and you use these rules to make decisions about everything you do.
Here are three perspective challenges to help you examine your rule book:
1. It's ALL true.
Most of us believe that our story about a fact is the truth.
It's not.
For example, if a red pen just appeared on your screen, you and everyone else looking at it would agree that a red pen appeared on the screen.
This would be the fact.
Each of you however, would explain why it happened differently, and have different opinions about whether it was a good or a bad thing.
Those stories and opinions represent individual truths, but not THE truth which cannot include anything other than the original fact "a red pen appeared on the screen."
Try examining other possible stories to explain the facts around you. See which ones feel equally true to the one you started with.
2. Expectation is the enemy.
We have expectations for every possible role (ie.what it means to be a good mother, boss, employee, friend, boyfriend, etc...). Unfortunately, those expectations are different for each of us and they get in the way of connecting and communicating fully.
Letting go of expectations about people (and outcomes) releases you to find opportunities for deep connection that were previously hidden.
Most importantly, it allows you to see others as whole, to understand that like you, their behaviors come from an intention to do their best to protect themselves from what they fear and connect themselves to what they yearn for.
(This doesn't mean accepting people's behaviors when they are harmful to you in any way. If you missed my post about boundaries, you can find it here.)
3. Everything is a choice.
This is the BIG one. There is absolutely nothing you "have" to do. Everything you do is a choice.
By dropping the language (and burden) of "should" and "have to" you decide whether or not it's a choice you want to make.
For example: "I HAVE to go to work." There are many, many people who choose not to go to work. You probably choose to go because you want a roof over your head, food on the table, etc...
Dig into WHY you do each thing that you think you have to do.
Often, that's enough to take the burden off of it. When the burden remains, start asking yourself what other ways you could satisfy that WHY.